Flamencoooohhhhhhayyyeeeeooohhhhh....aayyeeooh.

The other day in my Culture of Spain class we watched a video about Flamenco music. This video was...well, amusing. Before I describe said video, let me just say that I am a fan of Flamenco music if it involves really cool guitar or is by the Gipsy Kings. Most of the flamenco music we saw/heard in the video did involve really cool guitar, but there is a limit to how much of the actual Flamenco singing that I can take without either laughing hysterically or leaving the room as quickly as possible.

Flamenco music originated in Southern Spain in Andalucia and is a very important cultural thing here. There are schools where people go to learn how to sing Flamenco and playing the guitar Flamenco-style is an impressive accomplishment when done well. There are cute old guys who sit in the streets (often by the Catedral) and play Flamenco guitar or accordion. I am a big fan of cute old men in general (as long as they're not creepy) and I also happen to love the accordion and guitar, so walking by the Catedral is a pleasant experience. There are also "los heapies" who play Flamenco guitar or drums while smoking something of a questionable odor...also impressive but probably not good for the health, so I wouldn't recommend trying it at home. And please, please, please stay away from dreadlocks. They're gross.

Anyhow, back to Flamenco. The video begins with a bunch of people sitting in a circle. The lighting is such that you can't see anyone's faces distinctly. After a brief dramatic pause, a woman gets up and walks to the center of the circle. She is rather large, quite old and very dignified. Now commences the Flamenco music: everyone starts clapping while she opens her mouth as wide as it goes, assumes a look of intense concentration, and produces the incredible Flamenco sound. I say incredible because it is, I say sound, because I have a hard time calling it "music."

Basically, the idea of this type of singing requires the following things:

1. One's mouth must be open as wide as possible. Side note: whoever was recording this video decided it would be a good idea to zoom in on her mouth.

2. One's tongue must be able to move in odd and somewhat disturbing ways. Again, thank you Mr. Recording Man, for zooming in.

3. One must use the word "pena" (suffering) at least once.

4. One must take at least five minutes to sing each word.

5. One must drag out the word to last five minutes by (for example) singing not just "pena" but

"peeeeaaaahhhhhahahahahhannnnnnnnahhhhhoohooooahhhhhhaoooohaoahahoh....oha....ooooohahohoahhhhh...ohhhoahhhhhhh" and if possible, do it twice.

6. One's face must be red.

7. One's veins must pop out and throb violently.

8. One's eyes should fill with tears for optimal effect.

9. One should plug one's nose to get that great nasal sound.

10. If you can move your eyebrows in odd ways, your singing will improve. Obviously.

There. Now you know how to sing Flamenco. And if you were able to form a mental picture while going through these steps, you should also now understand my feelings on Flamenco music. The overall effect of this peculiar type of singing, the awesome guitar, the cool clapping or snapping or foot tapping, and the dancing is quite amazing. However, according to my teacher, the purists like to just have the singing without anything else, the way Flamenco music originated. I will never be a purist in this regard. That's all I have to say. Here is a random sample found on YouTube for your enjoyment. My account is exaggerated slightly...but if you listen to this video, you will see that it is only slightly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0VzD8-njgc&feature=related